A Fear of Intimacy

A Sermon By: Rev. Ethan D. McCardell
For: The Sower’s Chapel

But Saul and the people spared Agag and the best of the sheep, the oxen, the fatlings, the lambs, and all that was good, and were unwilling to utterly destroy them. But everything despised and worthless, that they utterly destroyed. (1 Samuel 15:9)

Saul’s an interesting character in the Word. A man whose leadership was often tainted by an inability to see clearly what complete obedience really was. In fact, when you think about it, how true was that quality for all the Children of Israel. The Old Testament is so full of “almost’s” – isn’t it?
The people almost manage to destroy the Amalekites the way the Lord commanded. When Moses goes up Mount Sinai – they almost worship the Lord in his absence. In the book of Judges, the people repeatedly almost remember the legacy of the previous judge, and how much peace their obedience to God had yielded for their lives. Almost.
And these patterns aren’t historical accounts limited to the Israelites, they are equally patterns that apply to our lives. What is it that short circuits our memories, that has us continually forget the pattern of God’s leadership in our lives? Is it simply our destiny to wander in the wilderness of human indiscretion? Are we to become victims of our inherited tendencies to evil? Or is there another answer? Another barrier to recognizing all God made us to be, that He’s trying to show us in this story?
As the story opens, the command Saul receives from the Lord is really simple. “See those Amalekites? Destroy them, their land, and their livelihood. Wipe them out.” And we know from the internal sense that the reason for the command was because they represented falsity that attacks (to the point of destruction) the truths of faith. And Saul went right ahead and…almost did just that. Why? Why not comply? Well, I guess one of the larger questions lurking below the surface is – are we just talking about simple compliance to a God whose purpose we don’t really understand, or something deeper? Is there something more we’re supposed to understand about what it means to follow God – really follow Him – from an inner awareness of His presence with us? Is there something more we’re supposed to know about God that would allow us to follow Him within – that would write His commands upon our heart?
This morning I’m suggesting that, in some ways, we suffer from the same root condition that caused the repeated sin of the Israelites – the sin of “almost” obedience. We do it all the time don’t we? If we’re honest, several times a day, amidst the spiritual battles we face – there are those we take on confidently – strong in the Lord, and aware of His ability to help us overcome any challenge with His help. Just like Jesus during His life on earth went through times of glorification (strong in the knowledge of the Divine). And in those times, we really feel as if we can conquer the world, don’t we? As if anything’s possible with God on your side, which is the reality.
But what about the darker corners of life. Jesus also went through times of exhinanition (a Latin term meaning “emptied out”). We have times where we need to address the need to be emptied out. To really look at those evils we’ve become more accustomed to – sins we’ve become comfortable with. Patterns that in our weak moments cause us to question even God’s ability to help us break the cycle of spiritual self-destruction. Or even have us question whether we want God’s help. We’ve grown comfortable with complacency. But why? It doesn’t seem to make much sense, does it? If we know there’s a God, why wouldn’t we reach out with all the strength we can muster at those times? Why wouldn’t we affirm the truth that He walks with us through the things that seem like the biggest game-breakers of all?
Because we have fear. FEAR. I believe we face more fear in our relationship with God that in any other aspect of our lives.
Falsities that ring from evil desires belonging to the will are foul and do not easily allow themselves to be rooted out, for they cling to a person's life itself. A person's life itself is that which desires, that is, which loves. As long as he is making that life firm within himself, that is, confirming that desire or love, all things of a confirmatory nature are false and are implanted in his life. Such were the people before the Flood. (AC 1679)

What is it that we fear? We know the Lord right? Fear means worship or love – so we know He doesn’t want us afraid of Him – He wants us to worship Him in heart. Why are we afraid? We’re afraid of true spiritual intimacy. We’re afraid that if we expose too much, disclose too far, open the flood gates beyond a crack – we will pass the point of no return. We’ll pass the point where even God Himself can save us. We let out so much darkness from our inner selves that His light won’t be able to penetrate it anymore.
We fall into believing these things when the influence of hell convinces us that there’s no relationship capable of surviving what they call in the Psychology world “full disclosure.” There’s no relationship that achieves true intimacy.
And they’d be right, save One. One relationship which seeks to knit your heart to His, whose pulse is the source of your own. Our Lord Jesus Christ, God in all His humanity wants nothing more than know you and love you – forever. And if you really believed that, day by day – moment by moment, then I could stop saying it. But you don’t. I don’t. Nobody really feels worthy of the love of God, and our culture from church to social moray reinforces it all the time with phrases like: “Lord have mercy on all us helpless sinners.” (I saw this one just the other day driving through Saxonburg). We are not helpless, worthless lemmings.
We can know and love a God that is with us and for us. We can have an intimate relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ. This is a message the children of Israel never got, and it turned their life inside out – with so much unnecessary struggle and heartache. Heartache God doesn’t want us to experience. Heartache He created us to overcome – where there is no more death, no more sorrow, no more crying and no more pain. Where the former things have passed away. This is what God wishes for us. A kind of intimacy with Him that can surpass all other relationships in our lives.
Intimacy begins with a very simple behavior: a willingness to admit our mistakes.

'And repent [of the evil] against Your people' means having mercy on them. This is clear from the meaning of 'repenting', when it has reference to Jehovah, as having mercy. The reason why 'repenting' means having mercy is that Jehovah does not ever repent, since He foresees and makes provision for all things from eternity. Repentance is a reaction that can take place only in someone who has no knowledge of the future and who sees, as events unfold, that he has made a mistake. (AC 10441:2)

If we are to be receptive of the mercy of God – we have to begin with honest examination of our lives, not in order to demonstrate how worthless and evil we are, but to recognize our mistakes – and ask God to inspire in our lives a new beginning where we had sinned. We need to ask Him to allow our repentance and good decision making to redefine what we care about and move aside past mistakes, instead of allowing them to define our future. This is the beginning of intimacy – the beginning of a true relationship to the Lord.
And we can apply these same behaviors wherever we’re facing a fear of intimacy in our lives. In our relationships to friends and family, are we using our relationships as leverage – threatening a lack of intimacy where there isn’t complete agreement? If God did that, we wouldn’t have anything left to lean on in life, would we? Where we’re willing to admit mistakes with our friends and neighbors, and begin again from a living acknowledgement of God, true intimacy becomes a deeper possibility. Not that we’ll achieve the same kind of intimacy we do with God – but an intimacy that does seek to reflect His relationship to us in love.
The Israelitish church wasn’t a church, because they didn’t get that what builds a church isn’t rules and regulations , but relationships. Instead of our Lord – a God we can know and love – they therefore had only the most remote and general presence of God to interact with on a daily basis. A God they didn’t know or love, but obeyed out of fear – a fear of intimacy based on their worldly perspective.
Rather than an intimate relationship with God, the Children of Israel chose introspective and selfish life which distanced them from Jehovah. So Jehovah took on our struggles and overcame them as Jesus Christ. This is a lesson to us. How are we thinking of the Lord Jesus in everyday life? Are we asking Him to lift us up in our daily struggles? Are we inviting Him into our secret battles against sin that seem overwhelming? Are we believing its really possible for Him to change our perspective, reorder our priorities, and change our life? Or is God a casual acquaintance, and has church become just something you’re supposed to do on Sunday?
If you go home today without sensing a call to look at and change the aspects of your life that are forcing you away from intimacy, the admission of mistakes, and the willingness to forge a life of faith through the response to the challenges of life in this world – you’ve missed the point.
Saul didn’t get it in this story, but Samuel did. He summed it up beautifully – that deep internal call to a new life that comes with an intimate relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. So Samuel said: "Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, As in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, And to heed than the fat of rams.” (1 Sam. 15:22)
It is an undeniable truth that the Lord Jesus loves you and wants you with Him in His kingdom. It is an undeniable truth that the only way to that life is shunning evil as sin against Him and embracing charitable living because it is of God and from God. And its an undeniable truth that if you’re willing to follow His model, you will have an intimate life changing relationship with Him. Don’t go out this door and continue a life of hatred and deceit – don’t almost follow God. He wants so much more for you than that. He is with you and for you – and wants you to join Him now. He wants you to understand that fear itself is an illusion –there is only hope. “Let Your mercy, Oh Lord, be upon us just as we hope in You.” (Psalm 33:22)
From [many places in the Word] it is clear that 'the fear of God' means worship based either on fear, or on the good that flows from faith, or on the good that flows from love. But the more there is of fear present in worship the less there is of faith, and still less of love. Conversely, the more there is of faith present in worship, and even more so of love, the less there is of fear. Present within all worship there is fear, but this fear takes on a different form and nature; for it is holy fear. But holy fear is not so much a fear of hell and of damnation, as a fear lest anything whatever be done or thought that is contrary to the Lord and contrary to the neighbour, thus anything whatever that is contrary to the good of love and to the truth of faith. It is an abhorrence which on the one side forms the boundary of the holiness of faith and of the holiness of love. And since, as has been stated, it is not a fear of hell and damnation, it exists with those who abide in the good of faith, less so with those who abide in the good of love, that is, who abide in the Lord. (AC 2826)

If we abide with God, all barriers to true intimacy – the shadow of hell which hangs over relationships based in fear – we will find the good of love. We will see the face of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ carrying us through the temporary challenges of natural life to the eternal joy and eternal peace of heaven. There’s a wonderful quote in the book the “Purpose Driven life” which says that spiritual immaturity exists where we are either trying to push the fast forward button all the time past our struggles, or are complacent in facing them. Spiritual maturity means that you learn to “live with the tension.”
True intimacy with God doesn’t just allow you to live with the tension, it allows you to sense the thread of the Lord’s leadership through it – and grow increasingly content in the awareness that God truly does lead all things toward an end that is good, whatever the appearance in the natural world. We need the sense of peace and hope that comes from being grounded in an intimate relationship with our Creator, Redeemer, and Savior. Don’t allow yourself to “almost” follow God – find it in your heart to hear those words of Samuel. Words that teach us we do not worship a God we should fear, but our Lord Jesus Christ whom we should love – now and forever.
Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, As in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, And to heed than the fat of rams. (1 Sam. 15:22)

AMEN.